Nom 'Nom Sweet Fish Cupcake
by ayumipants
Summary: Nemo and Gill take a romantic tour through the battle-torn memories of Gill's mind. Reads like a harlequin novel that woke up on the wrong side of the bed. A bed filled with crack.
1. Chapter 1

Without a doubt, this is the most canon couple of all time, forever. Just watching the movie is like watching a hot, sweaty, manly-man fish orgy. How dare Pixar market this movie to children! Shame on them.

Rated T for use of the word "orgy" in the previous paragraph.

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On a seemingly ordinary day, Gill was swimming in the local dentist's tank, darkness surrounding him… He was searching… Searching always… for LOVE.

"Where is the beauty in my LIFE!" he cried, flinging his good fin up towards the surface of the water in anguish.

Just then, a beautiful clown fish dropped in from heaven. He swam franticly around the tank, searching for some safe haven!

"Oh! Where am I?" Nemo cried. "I am so lost without somewhere to rest my tired bones!"

As soon as he uttered this fateful phrase, Gill overtook him with a loving fish tackle.

"I shall keep you safe, my sweet, sugary cupcake with chocolate sprinkles on top."

"Who are you? You are so… so… Manly…"

"I am Gill, and I am quite manly. Do you see this scar, here? Right here? Yeah, that's right, touch it…"

Nemo obliges.

"Mhmmm that's nice… I got that scar in 'Nom, you know."

"'Nom 'Nom?" Nemo asked.

"Om 'Nom 'Nom." Gill replied.

"Dear Gillium, your eating sounds make me feel all a-jitter."

"Those weren't eating sound effects," Gill solemnly commented. "Those were… MEMORIES…"

A dramatic trumpet fanfare sounds throughout the fish tank.

"Memories?" Nemo harped, sounding not quite as melodic as the mysterious brass fanfare. "What sorts of memories?"

"Memories… all alone in the moonlight."

"Right, those kinds." Nemo suggestively quipped.

"Yes. Memories… of 'Nom."

A striking chord. The thick algae love nest morphed into a dim battlefield… of love.

"Jumpin Jehosaphats!" cried Nemo, apparently quite alarmed. "We seem to have been suddenly transported to this unromantic battlefield!"

As soon as Nemo uttered these fateful words, an explosion –almost as bright as Nemo's love for Gill- was viewed by the two love birds. Love fish. Whatever.

* * *

TO BE CONTINUED…


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Decided to finish here because this fanfiction has just been sitting here- all moist and tepid.

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"How did we get here?" cried Nemo, clutching his expensive Prada fish purse to his fishy chest.

"My memories... Have this mysterious fishy power, you see," brooded Gill.

"Oooo! Master Gill, your broodiness sets my loins on FIRE!"

"I know, kid. I know."

They ventured through the wet and war-torn battlefield, looking left, right, and in other directions too. They saw the fishy carnage scattered about the terrain- provoking manly tears to fall from Gill's saddened eyes.

"This is horrible!" cried an off-put Nemo. "How could you have lived through this... Only to finally end up in that dentist office?"

"Shh, dear one," shooshed Gill, putting his fin on the young boy's lips. "All will be explained in due time."

"Oh Gill!" Nemo sighed. "You are like my Humbert Humbert and I am your Lolita Haze."

"... I don't think that's an appropriate comparison, Nemo. Did you ever read that book?"

"Fish can't read."

"Right. I forgot."

They continued swimming on, staring at the dead bodies of Gill's past life. They then discovered a past version of a familiar looking fish...

"It is you! From the past!" Nemo sighed- a sigh that was more deep and romantic than ten-thousand sunsets over a beach covered in a mixture of diamonds, wine, and ponies. "You were so fair when you were young and in the war! I am filled with lust just staring at your strong, halcyon features."

"Nemo, you must be quiet and watch this scene attentivly. This is where I got my scar that you so love to run your flippers across when I am sleeping."

"My dear Gill! I don't think I can focus on the scene before my eyes," Nemo yelped, his tail swishing eagerly back and forth in the water like a cat in heat. "I can only focus on your strong, masculine jawline, looking so illuminated under the watery skies."

Gill was semi-outraged at Nemo's lack of attention towards his backstory.

"Nemo! If you ever wish to know me FULLY, you must pay attention!" Gill yelled.

"Your words hurt me, but I can sense them overflowing with lust and stagnant thoughts of fish-mating. Therefore, I will pay the utmost attention to your fishy tale.

And so they watched. With great expectations.

* * *

TO BE CONTINUED...


	3. Chapter 3

However, Nemo's expectations were not fully realized, since it was revealed that Gill obtained his scar by simply tripping and falling onto a sharp piece of coral. An anticlimactic way to get a scar, for sure.

"How did you even trip when you don't have any legs?" asked Nemo, somewhat miffed.

"Because shut your piehole, Nemo. It was very harrowing for me."

"But I still don't know how you ended up as a fish in a dentist's tank," said Nemo, still somewhat disappointed at the way Gill got his scar (since it was neither manly nor panty-wetting).

"That... cannot be shown in my memories," said Gill, as the scene vanished around them. They were back in the familiar comfort of the dentist office fish tank.

"We're back already!" cried a surprised Nemo, dropping his fishy Prada purse to the rocky ground.

"Yes, and it is here that I tell you how I got into this fish tank."

"I am very excited for this," grinned Nemo, who had apparently come down with a case of the vapors.

"You see Nemo, I am actually one of the few alien-fish Time Lords ever to be born, and I can bend space and time to my will. I traveled to this tank because I chose to, my dear fish cupcake. My dear, sweet fish cupcake."

Nemo was shocked. He knew that their love was forbidden, but he did not know that Gill was an alien! This made their love even more sacrilegious! And kinky.

"Can you show me your fish Time Lord powers?" Nemo asked curiously.

"Yes, I can show you... with my FISH PENIS!"

"Ooo! No Master Gill, I am far too young for that!" blushed Nemo furiously.

"Do not worry, sweet virginal cookie. I was only making a joke."

"Well, it was quite a good one, wasn't it?"

And they guffawed quite furiously.

"Since that silly banter is finished, I must tell you something important, my sweet orange baked muffin," Gill began. "You see, the reason I traveled to this dentist tank at this certain point in time... is because..."

"Because?"

"Because..."

"Please tell me dear," Nemo begged. "Is it because of the chilling atmosphere? The irresistible Australians? The desire to be in an over-played Pixar movie?"

"No... It is none of those things, Nemo. Although it might be the last one, I'm not sure how I feel about that. But the real reason that I came here was..."

Gill looked around, making sure that no unwanted eyes were staring at their intimate moment.

"I came to this tank... Through time and space... To meet you, Nemo."

Nemo gasped, his eyes filling with tears of romance.

"I came here because I love your crisp, young, tender fins, your moist, fruity tail, your licorice black eyes, and your beautiful white stripes- which are like frosting on the best and most expensive of wedding cakes."

"Gill! Your food related complements are making me blush profusely!" Nemo giggled.

"I know, and your fish cheeks are like little bright red cherries waiting to be plucked."

They giggled for a bit, then Gill continued.

"Yes Nemo, I love you for those reasons, and that's why... that's why..."

"Why?" Nemo asked, waiting for Gill to finish his sentence.

"That is why... Nemo... I must eat you."

"Wha-"

But Nemo's sentence was left unfinished, as Gill swallowed Nemo in one bite.

"Sweet fish cupcake indeed," chuckled Gill as he swam away happily with a full belly.

"Whoa," said Peach, the starfish, looking down from above. "I see this was one of THOSE kinds of fanfiction."

THE END.

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A/N: Thanks for reading! Reviews are always, always appreciated.


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